Codependency is relationship struggle with yourself. This leads to very unhealthy relationships with others. In place of having a healthy relationship with yourself, you make someone else or something else more important. It is excruciatingly painful and comes from being wounded as a child. This leads to relationship challenges and addictive/compulsive behavior and controlling tendencies. It’s about growing up depending on someone, who’s depending on something that is not dependable. For example abusing alcohol, drugs, overeating, the work -aholic. Change is not easy, it takes patience and it’s a process. If you think you may be codependent or know someone that is, there is hope in ending the painful highs and lows or dysfunction and live a life of healthy love with yourself and others.
It’s a reliance on a person, substance or an addiction, for example sex or gambling. We all have the same 6 basic Human Needs. When we find healthy ways to meet our own we can then love others and meet their needs properly.
When we find a way to meet 3 or more of our needs it can become an addiction.
We can get by in life without truly living with the 1st 4 needs of Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Love and Connection.
True fulfillment comes with the last 2 needs of Growth and Contribution. If we don’t find a healthy way to meet these needs we seek to have it met by others or addictions.
Children of addiction, neglect, abuse or trauma develop patterns for survival that no longer serve them as adults. They constantly over analyze without knowing how to shut the chatter and noise off it consumes them and they take everything personal. There is Hope and this can be you or your loved one after the healing process!
Abstinence: Learning to take care of yourself 1st and meet your needs in a healthy way.
Awareness: Learn to stop denying self of your feelings and needs and understand yourself. Be kind to yourself to end the inner critic and negative self talk that leads to low self – esteem.
Acceptance: Healing requires self-acceptance and love. Many have not been taught healthy self-love. “What we resist, persists.” When we feel bad, sad, guilty, sad or lonely, it’s self care and compassion to self soothe and practice taking steps to feel better
Action: New habits and behavior need to take place to grow. Information without action is just information. Getting out of our comfort zone is where we grow. This builds self -esteem and confidence. Rather than expecting others to meet all our needs and make us happy we learn to take action for ourself. Moving to the growth and contribution needs of fulfillment. Learning to set boundaries and value your self worth. Takers don’t have limits so givers have to set them. People will treat you however you allow them to. Freedom is on the otherside of Fear!
Contact me for a complimentary Head to Heart strategy session on Healing for Healthy Love.